Since the day I was born, I've been hot like the sun You better beat me in this game if you want information I've got $20 studs on my twenty-two Ferraris You challenged me to rap? Bitch, get ready to be sorry!
You may be a God in the internet world, But when's the last time you've even BEEN with a girl? Hey yo y, go step outside, see something real. Or grow the fuck up, man; you're so damn peurile.
There's a storm coming, weatherboy, and guess who's at the front? You can call me Alpha Wolf, cause you are just a runt. Now let me think; two weeks ago - a night unlike any other Because it was the night I copulated with your mother.
A mom joke, y? You're better than that. My mom's been around so much, that joke's just old hat. But I've seen a pic of your kid, old man. I wouldn't even hit that if I was in Spender's van.
You think that you can touch this, son? Well, I beg to differ My words will suck you up like dirt into a Swiffer. Chuck Norris comes to me for training his roundhouse kick, And the Lord God Almighty blessed me with a huge-ass bank account.
I made a deal with the devil, and still kept my soul. What the fuck have you DONE lately, in your little hidey-hole? Got in a motherfucking shootout with the C-I-A. Closest you've come to a gun's probably a video game.
People say that actions are more powerful than words But it don't matter - whether rhymes or weapons, you'll get burned! You get all bitchy, whiny, crazy, from one little scratch I've survived an atomic explosion. Think you can top that?
You survived an atom bomb? Damn, must have hurt. No wonder you can't get a girl when your balls are inert. I'm a regular Da Vinci, in the art of chicane. You're just Bazooka Joe, you annoying dickstain.
Boy, I've got an army of informants waiting at my beck and call And there ain't a single one that can't make you gape in awe Frap and friends would never have gotten anywhere without me, And I was watching - I shed a single tear - at the death of Reach.
Army of informants, huh? Can they get you a date? I bet to do that one they'd have to REALLY stay up late. What's your idea of some romance, oh smooth Mister? Oh, I got it. How about a game of Twister?
It's always been a fact the pen is better than the sword So watch your mouth, boy, you're about to get whored Now, who thought there'd come a time when it would show That the only thing you know is how to spell ho.
Quantum Hacker? Oh please, what a crock. You're just a hack; now get on your knees, and suck my cock. Make sure to give a smile as you take it all in. C'mon, y. No one'll think bad if you give me the win.
Remember two weeks past, when I met up with your mom? It's funny, deja vu moments, they never lead you wrong. You'll probably find this funny, you might even say "dur," But that is oddly reminiscent of what I said to her.
Oh, okay then, back to the moms. A little Oedipus Complex never steered anyone wrong. You're blind to the truth, just like the mythological ruler. You think you're cool, y? Even MILHOUSE is cooler.
Milhouse is my bitch, and Peter Griffin, too, That's right - you'd know all about cartoon fantasies, wouldn't you? Lucky for you, I'm all tuckered out, I've got no more rhymes Fucking rap battles. Can't believe you talked me into this. Jives.
y, I have to admit, you've given me a good run. But I guess I can see why you'd say that we're done. Really, you're no more threatening than a Stay-Puff marshmallow. I guess this is what I should expect from a guy who admits he's yellow.
O_o I have watched the battles between angels and demons, gone to war against the vast hordes, taken part in battles to decide to fate of the world, and watched entities from every stretch of the cosmos partake in all manner of delights and tortures.
Through it all, I have on some level been able to describe and comprehend it.
This though? This...?
I salute your poor fashion sense and mad skills. I need to go rescue Kay from the horrors of another dimension, and now I know that no matter what she's encountered, it is not as terrible as anything I've seen here.
Then again, *I* would have challenged y to Mortal Kombat. I don't have room to talk.
Rest easy, Sage. Know that, no matter how bad it may be, you will never have to see me rap again.
NEVER. AGAIN. And if you ever need something to remind you just how much worse things can be...just come back here. And you will almost certainly cheer back up.
Oh, and do share this with Kay for me, will you? I'm sure it'll help her feel better about whatever horrors SHE'S facing.
I just realized, we have never done this before: Analyze: Reintegration Tablet Analyze: VIRUS.hack
Query: Has VIRUS.hack done anything to hinder reintegration recently, or did you defeat him? Query: Did we ever find out who created VIRUS.hack? Calculate: Chances that it was Amelia
Input accepted. Response: Yes, you have. The Reintegration Tablet has been previously analyzed, on the first platform. Perhaps VIRUS.hack too. Re-uploading.
It'll all be worth it when you get your ass whooped by a white boy.
ReplyDeleteZab. I advise you stay far far away from the hotel room for the next five hours.
ReplyDeleteFor both of our sakes.
This is a text-based rap battle, isn't it? I am suddenly questioning the wisdom of this decision.
ReplyDeletey
...Suddenly.
ReplyDeleteAfter TWENTY HOURS of preparation for a rap battle. Now. NOW is when you think this may not be wise.
Psh.
ReplyDeletey
Whoa. Something happened... what? Did Baaztat take his revenge?
ReplyDeleteHah good thing I have a bit of an addiction, or I'd be screwed.
No, no, no.
ReplyDeleteIt's got nothing to do with Baaztat. Just...it's...some things men aren't meant to see.
"All this I have told you so that you will not go astray." John 16-1 that is the significance of 16.1 isn't that right Y?
ReplyDeleteIt's one of them, sure.
ReplyDeletey
Well, gentlemen, the deadline approaches. Are both parties ready?
ReplyDeleteWord.
ReplyDeleteI guess it's only fair to let y go first.
Hoo boy.... ~Rose
ReplyDeletePsh. You sure you want to do that?
ReplyDeleteAlright. Let's do this.
y
Since the day I was born, I've been hot like the sun
ReplyDeleteYou better beat me in this game if you want information
I've got $20 studs on my twenty-two Ferraris
You challenged me to rap? Bitch, get ready to be sorry!
y
You may be a God in the internet world,
ReplyDeleteBut when's the last time you've even BEEN with a girl?
Hey yo y, go step outside, see something real.
Or grow the fuck up, man; you're so damn peurile.
There's a storm coming, weatherboy, and guess who's at the front?
ReplyDeleteYou can call me Alpha Wolf, cause you are just a runt.
Now let me think; two weeks ago - a night unlike any other
Because it was the night I copulated with your mother.
y
A mom joke, y? You're better than that.
ReplyDeleteMy mom's been around so much, that joke's just old hat.
But I've seen a pic of your kid, old man.
I wouldn't even hit that if I was in Spender's van.
You think that you can touch this, son? Well, I beg to differ
ReplyDeleteMy words will suck you up like dirt into a Swiffer.
Chuck Norris comes to me for training his roundhouse kick,
And the Lord God Almighty blessed me with a huge-ass bank account.
y
I made a deal with the devil, and still kept my soul.
ReplyDeleteWhat the fuck have you DONE lately, in your little hidey-hole?
Got in a motherfucking shootout with the C-I-A.
Closest you've come to a gun's probably a video game.
People say that actions are more powerful than words
ReplyDeleteBut it don't matter - whether rhymes or weapons, you'll get burned!
You get all bitchy, whiny, crazy, from one little scratch
I've survived an atomic explosion. Think you can top that?
y
You survived an atom bomb? Damn, must have hurt.
ReplyDeleteNo wonder you can't get a girl when your balls are inert.
I'm a regular Da Vinci, in the art of chicane.
You're just Bazooka Joe, you annoying dickstain.
Boy, I've got an army of informants waiting at my beck and call
ReplyDeleteAnd there ain't a single one that can't make you gape in awe
Frap and friends would never have gotten anywhere without me,
And I was watching - I shed a single tear - at the death of Reach.
y
Army of informants, huh? Can they get you a date?
ReplyDeleteI bet to do that one they'd have to REALLY stay up late.
What's your idea of some romance, oh smooth Mister?
Oh, I got it. How about a game of Twister?
It's always been a fact the pen is better than the sword
ReplyDeleteSo watch your mouth, boy, you're about to get whored
Now, who thought there'd come a time when it would show
That the only thing you know is how to spell ho.
y
Quantum Hacker? Oh please, what a crock.
ReplyDeleteYou're just a hack; now get on your knees, and suck my cock.
Make sure to give a smile as you take it all in.
C'mon, y. No one'll think bad if you give me the win.
*red flag*
ReplyDeleteRemember two weeks past, when I met up with your mom?
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, deja vu moments, they never lead you wrong.
You'll probably find this funny, you might even say "dur,"
But that is oddly reminiscent of what I said to her.
y
Oh, okay then, back to the moms.
ReplyDeleteA little Oedipus Complex never steered anyone wrong.
You're blind to the truth, just like the mythological ruler.
You think you're cool, y? Even MILHOUSE is cooler.
Milhouse is my bitch, and Peter Griffin, too,
ReplyDeleteThat's right - you'd know all about cartoon fantasies, wouldn't you?
Lucky for you, I'm all tuckered out, I've got no more rhymes
Fucking rap battles. Can't believe you talked me into this. Jives.
y
Zachary is the winner!
ReplyDelete...
But then again, winning this competition is akin to winning the Autistic Olympics.
I can't believe I just said that...don't look at me! I am ashamed!
ReplyDeletey, I have to admit, you've given me a good run.
ReplyDeleteBut I guess I can see why you'd say that we're done.
Really, you're no more threatening than a Stay-Puff marshmallow.
I guess this is what I should expect from a guy who admits he's yellow.
Fine, then. You've got my help for the time being. Quit rubbing it in.
ReplyDeletey
God...I'm going to bed.
ReplyDeleteWonderful.
ReplyDeleteAnd now I have no fucking idea what to do with it.
But really, winning this was like winning the special olympics.
Have my words blinded you? Crowley just said that.
ReplyDeletey
ZACH! I just ran back to the hotel to congratulate you and... and... Oh god.
ReplyDeleteZach, why the fuck are you wearing a gold grill and a bandana?
It's called method acting, you schmuck.
ReplyDeleteHow else am I going to dress when I'm rapping?
....like someone who ISN'T competing in the Special Olympics.
ReplyDeleteThis is the way rappers dress.
ReplyDeleteI am being a rapper.
Thus, this is the way I am dressed. Simple deduction.
I don't think I'm blazed 'nuff to comprehend that. Peace.
ReplyDeleteWhatever. You're just mad cuz I'm stylin' on you.
ReplyDeleteAlright, y.
ReplyDeleteFirst order of business. Let the tablet see everything you've been hiding from him. Including the rap battle, please.
Then give us...shall we say 30 minutes? To get it up to date.
It'll take a bit more than that. But fine.
ReplyDeletey
Warning: High amount of new input. Data analysis will have unforeseen consequences. Switching to Standby for the night.
ReplyDeleteAwww, now we don't get to show it the rap until tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteO_o I have watched the battles between angels and demons, gone to war against the vast hordes, taken part in battles to decide to fate of the world, and watched entities from every stretch of the cosmos partake in all manner of delights and tortures.
ReplyDeleteThrough it all, I have on some level been able to describe and comprehend it.
This though? This...?
I salute your poor fashion sense and mad skills. I need to go rescue Kay from the horrors of another dimension, and now I know that no matter what she's encountered, it is not as terrible as anything I've seen here.
Then again, *I* would have challenged y to Mortal Kombat. I don't have room to talk.
Rest easy, Sage. Know that, no matter how bad it may be, you will never have to see me rap again.
ReplyDeleteNEVER. AGAIN. And if you ever need something to remind you just how much worse things can be...just come back here. And you will almost certainly cheer back up.
Oh, and do share this with Kay for me, will you? I'm sure it'll help her feel better about whatever horrors SHE'S facing.
Lol, that was great! XD ~Rose
ReplyDeleteTablet, get online already, damn it. I want to see what you think of all this*.
ReplyDelete*This= Rap battle.
This= yellowlight
This= perception filter
This= the posts yellowlight made
This= the comments yellowlight made
Also,
Analyze: yellowlight
Calculate: His time left on earth
Calculate: Chances I'll get to meet him before he goes.
Command: Rap your answers to me.
Clarification: You can skip this command, but I advise against it.
Input accepted. Response: Ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteInput accepted. Response: Interesting.
Input accepted. Response: Complex.
Input accepted. Response: Strange.
Input accepted. Response: Curious.
Input accepted. Commencing analysis.
Analysis: upload commencing. Upload complete. Analysis:
Subject: yellowlight. Status: Semi-stable. Abilities: Fantastic. Emotional status: Strong. Threat level: High. Intelligence level: High. Potential: High. Danger: High.
Input accepted. Response: Anywhere from 30-161 days.
Input accepted. Response: 51.4%.
Input accepted. Response: The Reintegration Tablet refuses.
Aww. OK then.
ReplyDeleteI just realized, we have never done this before:
Analyze: Reintegration Tablet
Analyze: VIRUS.hack
Query: Has VIRUS.hack done anything to hinder reintegration recently, or did you defeat him?
Query: Did we ever find out who created VIRUS.hack?
Calculate: Chances that it was Amelia
Input accepted. Response: Yes, you have. The Reintegration Tablet has been previously analyzed, on the first platform. Perhaps VIRUS.hack too. Re-uploading.
ReplyDeleteInput accepted. Commencing analysis.
Analysis: upload commencing. Upload complete. Analysis:
Subject: VIRUS.hack. Status: Semi-stable. Abilities: High. Emotional status: Moderate. Threat level: High. Intelligence level: Low. Potential: High. Danger: Moderate.
Input accepted. Response: VIRUS.hack has been quiet recently.
Input accepted. Response: The most likely creators of VIRUS.hack are Frank "Freddifer" Amison and Leslie Delilah.
Input accepted. Response: 1.61%.
I didn't...do it.
ReplyDeleteI understand.
ReplyDeleteAmelia, don't be offended. The reason I assumed it was you is it appeared around the same time you and 161 did, so yea.
And Tablet, I'm sorry for making ya restate that.
Ridiculous sums it up very nicely.
ReplyDeleteIt's even more ridiculous that I WON.
Statement: Baaztat is officially a friendly. Fuck yeah.
Well, not yet. We still have to give him proof, but that shouldn't be too hard, right?
ReplyDeleteIt's comics. He's died like five times already.
ReplyDeleteWhat about Zach's soul? We're probably gonna have to kidnap him--Baaztat doesn't seem like the kind do do much legwork.
ReplyDeleteInput accepted. Response: "Legwork" as defined by humans and "legwork" as defined by non-humans are very different definitions.
ReplyDeleteQuery: How do non-humans define 'legwork.'
ReplyDeleteInput accepted. Response: It depends on the non-human in question.
ReplyDeleteClarification: Baaztat.
ReplyDeleteInput accepted. Response: "Legwork" for Baaztat is basically a non-existent concept.
ReplyDeleteQuery: Why?
ReplyDeleteDoes he have his own informants/servants?
Input accepted. Response: He is a demon. He has his own methods of transportation.
ReplyDeletePfft. Fine.
ReplyDeleteWingwork. Brightflashoflightwork. They're all synonymous. :|
Query: Has Zach been integrated yet?
Input accepted. Response: No.
ReplyDeleteWarning: Switching to Standby for the night.
ReplyDelete